Monday, October 13, 2003  

Libertarian for a Day

My head is throbbing. In the last 24 hours, I've consumed over a pound of red meat; drunk a generous portion of beer, whiskey, and sake; received several lap dances, smoked 2 packs of cigarettes, and expended over 400 rounds of 9mm ammunition.



Now that's a bachelor party.

Mr. Ross Garmil, my friend and co-creator of the Grand High Council is getting married in a couple of weeks, and last night we feted him. And today, I feel like I'm going to die. Going from 5-years-quit to 2-packs-in-a-night makes your lungs feel like they're filled with pudding. I confessed my week-long flirtation with the Tobacco Demon to Jeniphir yesterday and promised to re-quit today. I don't know why I've been fucking around with cigarettes. Oh, yeah, because I have no impulse control and because Philip Morris is evil. The week I ran the Studio, I snuck about a half dozen smokes, mostly out of exhaustion. Then I switched over to Kentucky Cheroots, which didn't get the monkey off my back but at least left my lungs in a mostly puddingless state. But in Colorado last week, I found myself sneaking my mother's menthol Virginia Slims (which makes me either secure in my masculinity or gay as Carson) whenever everyone else would leave the house. I came back and started bumming more manly smokes, and Saturday, I bought a pack, which is the sign of immiment defeat. So I gave Jeniphir my pre-party confession (to which she responded with a very touching and supportive, "What the fuck is wrong with you? You don't smoke anymore, you dumbass!") and blew through (with the help of Ross, Benari, and Glenn) 3 and a half packs of Camels of various varieties, which leads me to today's nicotene hangover (being treated with Chinese Curing Pills and Hail Marys) and an intense combination of regret and addictive craving. Brilliant fucking decision, McIntire! Brilliant!

As long as I'm confessing my retardocity, let me point out that I'm posting this from my wife's iMac because after Randbot was cool enough to drop a free 16GB hard drive on me last night at the party, I came home and tried to slave it in my machine without turning it off. Flash! Sizzle! Moron! I don't know if I shorted out the power supply or fried something more substantial, but either way, I now have a 700Mhz testimonial to being a fucking dumbass sitting on the floor of our office with its guts flung everywhere like it got attacked by a bear.