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The McIntire Conspiracy
"It's better to be loved by the righteous few than to be liked by a lukewarm many."
- Noble
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Monday, December 01, 2003
More Complaining
Okay, I realize I'm in grave danger of drifting into "cranky old comic" territory here, and I really don't want to just blog about my opening acts, but dear sweet lord above, did I have a doozy this weekend.
I was gigging at Goodfellaz, a perpetually rowdy sports pub in Agawam, Mass. It's something of a hell gig, but it's usually a fun hell gig. And I had John Curtin in the feature spot, who did a bang up job, especially considering the hole our opener dug for him.
Our opener's big bit? "I don't understand why motherfuckers gotta be fucking each other in the ass. It's just gross! If I was ever in jail and some motherfucker was going to fuck me in the ass, I'd smear shit all over my ass so he wouldn't want to fuck me in it. I wouldn't shower, man. Crazy motherfuckers and fucking people in the ass."
Imagine 25 MINUTES OF THAT to open the show, and you'll get a picture of why this business wants to make me hang myself sometimes. I mean, there has to be a basic level of competence, doesn't there? You can't book yourself as a musician and then just go up on stage and start hitting a piano with a hammer. You at least have to be able to play a little...but comedy's got no screening process, man. No filter. So any dipshit can go holler about buggery and claim the title of comic. No wonder we're so far down the entertainment food chain (only thing lower is snuff films).
I guess if I was smart, I would've given him the number for the Plum Island Chamber of Commerce. Sounds like a match made in heaven.
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