Monday, April 24, 2006  

Spinning In My Grave

I just got back from my very first spinning class ever. Insanity. Take everything you hate about working out and throw in a perky chick with a wireless mike and far too much Limp Biskit, and there you have it. Don't get me wrong -- it was a tremendous workout, and I plan to go again, but it's misery.

You wouldn't know it to look at me, but I'm a 5-day a week gym guy. It's mostly wasted effort. My body is a mean joke grafted onto statistical aberration, strung together by leftover pieces from a prankster god. But the livelihood of a hot wife and two promising spawn depends on my ticker, so I go, and I work hard. I'm already a pilates beast (thanks, in part, to this cruel mistress), and I've been wanting to upgrade my cardio, since THE FAT CHICK in the PINK SHIRT keeps HOGGING THE GODDAMN ELLIPTICAL MACHINE WITH THE TV in the mornings, and cardio without SportsCenter is like surgery without anesthesia.

Thus, today's experiment in spinning, which, as it turns out was NOT the hardest thing I've done in the last 48 hours.

That honor goes to having to follow Steve Sweeney on a comedy show. In Boston. At a club named STEVE SWEENEY'S COMEDY CAFE. This is roughly akin to a band having to follow Aerosmith in Joe Perry's basement at Steven Tyler's birthday party. I'm proud to admit I pulled it off, but by the time it was over, I felt like Eli Wallach, wandering in the desert and swearing revenge on the Man With No Name.

(You'll forgive me that last tortured metaphor - I'm on a bit of a Sergio Leone jag lately. If you have Comcast OnDemand, do yourself a HUGE favor and order up A Fistful of Dynamite tonight. Its original name is Duck, You Sucker, and it features Rod Steiger as an angry Mexican and James Coburn as a bomb-tossing Irishman. 154 minutes of pure cinematic joy.)

But I disgress. Steve Sweeney is hard to follow because he is a comic par excellence. While he was on stage, I spent most of my time with my head between my knees, trying not to hyperventilate, but when I could watch him, it was like going to a Masters class in comedy. He takes a lot of shit in this town, but you cannot deny his craftsmanship. He was also gracious as can be, and he is way taller than you think. His club is also gorgeous, and if you're looking for someplace to go for your comedy fix (when I'm off performing between cockfights at a Legion Hall, of course), I highly recommend it.

I'll be there on Thursday night at a benefit for Right Turn. You should come.