Thursday, August 03, 2006  

And I'm Back

Oh, it's been a hell of a month, my droogs. A hell of a month. Know what I did for the last 30 days when I wasn't doing comedy shows?

Not a goddamn thing.

I sat on my ass and did jack-all. I lived like a regular person. I watched baseball games. I read books. I ate in restaurants with...wait for it...my wife. I went to bed at a reasonable hour, sober, with regularity. I ate vegetables that I grew in my garden. I cooked burgers on the grill and squirted mustard with my kids. I saw my kids.

Know what I didn't do? Write jokes, hang out in clubs, drink to excess out of boredom, pretend to be interested in other peoples' acts, pretend to be impressed by TV credits, humor open mikers who think they're rock stars, bore anyone with lectures, do old bits, do new bits, ask people where they're from and what they do, swear out of laziness, or talk about guys getting bit by snakes.

And it was heaven. Even if it was hotter than Mercury.

But things cost money, and summertime never lasts, so here I am. Maybe recharged, maybe terminally apathetic, but still cute as a bespectacled Aryan bug. I spent last night in the company of Brendan Boogie, rock star and comedy nerd, watching the Red Sox live by the sword and walk off again, cheering with the locals and drinking a celebratory drink while chatting about all things art. He's a good man, this Boog, and he makes me think it's possible to be a comic and a grown-up.

Big changes, monkeys. There's a lot of clubs I'm not coming back to. If you live more than, say, an hour and a half from Boston, well, send me a postard and keep in touch, but I ain't going to be seeing you no more. I mean, I understand you live out there for a reason. Maybe you like stargazing or maybe you're in a militia. But you live too far away, and I've driven too much as it is. I'm a homebody now, and my heart beats slower. I've taken all the chances that a guy should take.

I got a left-handed five-year old who needs to learn to pitch, dig?

But good news if you live here, near the civilized world. Starting next week, I'm going to be the regular host of late-night comedy shows at Jimmy Tingle's Off-Broadway theatre. That's right. Good shows, close to home, for smart people in a nice place. It's going to be fun...actual fun...and I hope to see you there once or twice or every goddamn week.

I'm not sure, but I think, just maybe, I'm glad to be back.