Monday, October 25, 2004  

Thanks, Hanks

Somewhere in, say, Southie, there's a guy, probably about 80 years old. He's been living and dying with the Red Sox for as long as he can remember. He took his kids to Fenway, and he's taken his grandkids to Fenway. He's known the heartbreak of Red Sox Nation over and over and over again. He's coming to the end of his life. He's going to die soon. He'd like to go to Fenway, and maybe, just maybe, see the Red Sox win the World Series at last. But he can't get tickets. Why?

Because Tom Hanks is in his seat.

Jude Rules

So I say to Jude last night, I say, "Jude...what do you want to be for Halloween?"

And he goes, "Awesome."

The Second Best Thng That Happened This Week

Welcome To the World, Camden Thomas

Attn: MIT

Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Cambridge, MA 02138


Dear MIT Geniuses,

We would like to order one bionic ankle, to be delivered to:

Fenway Park
Attn: Curt Schilling
Boston, MA 02118

Please use 3-day shipping. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Red Sox Nation

More Evil

Christopher Reeve died last night. He might have survived if we had a government that believed in science and didn't block stem cell research. So when you go into the voting booth in a few weeks, please remember this:

GEORGE BUSH KILLED SUPERMAN.

Hi, Hiatus

There are times when a man must hunker down inside himself and take stock of just where he's at. Which is a pretentious way to say that I know I haven't posted lately, and I'm just here to say that it's a trend that will likely continue for the next little while.

Why?

1. I am in the last stages of a true artistic funk, and have learned that you can't force these things. You gotta let 'em run their course. I'm like an injured pitcher re-habbing my artistic elbow. I don't want to blow it out, dig?

2. Big honkin' life changes, including the imminent arrival of another tiny McIntire (possible names pending), the conscious choice to get a (day) job that iords randomly .. then repeat them all over again.
hurhur
how do i know this? haha cos ive been preparing the dance tracks for the dance party..
pooo. i do not agree with britney spears personally but.. oh well. her tracks are kinda dancey i guess.
too much dance music already these 2 nights

borrowed happiness has to be returned someday
music already these 2 nights

borrowed happiness has to be returned someday

Hi, Hiatus

There are times when a man must hunker down inside himself and take stock of just where he's at. Which is a pretentious way to say that I know I haven't posted lately, and I'm just here to say that it's a trend that will likely continue for the next little while.

Why?

1. I am in the last stages of a true artistic funk, and have learned that you can't force these things. You gotta let 'em run their course. I'm like an injured pitcher re-habbing my artistic elbow. I don't want to blow it out, dig?

2. Big honkin' life changes, including the imminent arrival of another tiny McIntire (possible names pending), the conscious choice to get a (day) job that includes wearing a daily necktie, and a sudden crushing realization of my own mortality.

3. The Red Sox are in the playoffs.

4. Autumn.

5. The need to pack away canned goods, survivial gear, and large-caliber ammunition in case that lying fuckface George W. Bush actually gets re-elected.

My point is this: I'm still here, I'm still doing comedy, and frankly, I'm doing the best comedy of my life. But I can't keep up with everything and write little bon mots here in a terribly timely fashion. In the meantime, go out and buy Burnout 3, the greatest video game I've ever played (next to System Shock 2, natch).