Monday, February 28, 2005  

Bite Me, Oscar

This is where I would be writing some biting commentary on last night's Oscars, except as I realized in the first five minutes of the show, I hadn't seen one single movie that was mentioned last night. Not one.

Oh, the joys of having little kids. We're completely removed from grownup society. So enjoy your Oscar kvetching; if anyone wants to talk about Gordon the Steam Engine or Swiper the Fox, I'll be over here trying not to find out the surprise ending to Million Dollar Baby.

A Modest Proposal

I just want to put this out there now, before it happens, so that we all have a contingency plan in place for when it inevitably does.

I hereby move that when someone makes a reality show about auditioning to get on a reality show, we just launch the missiles and get the end of the world over with.

Second?

The Stupidest Thing

And now, for your viewing pleasure, the stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen:

What Would Bill Hicks Say -- The Contest.

You know what Bill Hicks would say? He'd say, "What the fuck is wrong with you morons?"

I'm sorry. I'm on record as being a huge Bill Hicks fan, and I think his influence showed up in my earlier stuff, maybe even too much, but enough is enough. The man was a great comic. One of the best. He was hilarious, and smart, and angry, and all those things, but for crying out loud, he wasn't the angelic visionary people seem to be making him out to be.

And I think he would have preferred people speak for themselves instead of trying to be him.

Yes, he had some really great political jokes. But he's not Martin Luther King, okay? He was everything an artist should be, but it's not like he said anything that Chomsky, or Robert Anton Wilson, or Timothy Leary hadn't already said. He just said it funnier.

And another thing: I'd like to put to rest the whole "censored and/or ignored genius" myth. Yes, he was censored by the David Letterman show - on his THIRTEENTH appearance. He was on HBO more than once. And yeah, Carrttop won Standup of the Year, but Hicks was nominated, so it's not like he was toiling in absolute obscurity. No, he wasn't a household name, but neither was Zappa. If you're not doing stuff that most people are going to get, you can't bitch when they don't get it.

I really like to think he'd be appalled at the posthumous deification that's gone on. Kevin Booth is making the most money off of turning a dead guy into a god since the Catholic Church.

Sorry if I offend any Hicks-ophants (a term borrowed from Doug Stanhope), but jesus, come on, people. If there's a tragedy about his death, it's that we didn't get to see him (hopefully) continue to evolve, as a person and as a comic. Personally, I've always feared he was beginning to buy his own press a little too much. I remember working at Stanford and Sons in Kansas City, and before he died, Hicks had picked some young comic's headshot (can't remember the dude's name) and had written "The Torch Is Passed" on it.

I mean, come on.