Thursday, May 18, 2006  

Serpentine

You've heard, of course, the old saying about the best laid plans of mice and men.

Now, there's nothing in there that specifically mentions one's 98 Saturn going tits-up on the way to the Drag the River show, but I am currently in possession of first-hand, irrefutable evidence that it is, in fact, implied.

Heavy Rotation

Less than 48 hours to the Drag the River show, and I'm in Musical Realignment Mode until then. Nothing but country music until the show in order to be sure that I'm vibrating at the proper musical frequency at showtime. It simply would not do to be in a Monster Magnet groove when there's a man with a pedal steel playing his ass off right in front of me. So it's Dave Gleason's Wasted Days, The Gourds, Old 97's and Drive-By Truckers in heavy rotation today, with a 70 percent chance of some Johnny Cash and Waylon Jennings when I get home.

I'm not going to lie: I hadn't even HEARD of Drag the River until about 10 days ago. So why am I so excited to see them? Because in addition to having some great songs out there in the world for me to hear, I found them The Right Way.

I read about them here.
I listened to them here.
I found their tour schedule here.
I bought my ticket here.

Do you see what's missing from that list? That's right: MTV, Rolling Stone, radio play, a major record label, and Ticketmaster.

The layers of bullshit between the music and my ears have disappeared. I have not been MARKETED TO. There was no corporate strategy. Good writing straight from a good writer about good music straight from a good band, and presto, I'm going to a show, at which I will buy a CD or two directly from the guys who made them.

There is simply no excuse to be buying and consuming music from the giant music conglomerates anymore. No more music shopping at big box retailers. You don't need them.

You know all those bands on your MySpace friends list? Listen to them. All four songs. It matters to them. Then check out the bands on their friends list. Wash, rinse, repeat. When you find one you really love, find their website and buy their record with your finite music budget, and if you have to skip buying the band you heard on the radio today, so be it. It will make you feel good and tingly and righteous.

This is not just some generic anti-corporate screed. I make my livelihood, both financial and spiritual, as a performer. As a stand-up comedian, which is as beautifully no-frills as entertainment can get. I say some shit, and the audience laughs at it. There's a bare minimum between my brain and theirs. I'm old school - I don't make videos, I don't write songs, I don't have a partner, and I don't have any talking dolls. I have an idea and I say it right to you. That's the level of artistic purity I truck in, if curse-laden jokes about kids and poop can be called art. It's caveman simple. And that's what I want from all my art - the shortest route from the original idea to my head. I want my rock stars beholden to none but their muse.

The best would be to have the band come play in my living room.

Getting my music directly from them and skipping all the middlemen is the next best thing.

Cue lighters...NOW.

Doppleganger

What happens when a guy is born in Colorado Springs in 1970, moves to Boston, and becomes a working comedian?

Either he ends up with my strange, savage little life, or he moves to Japan and becomes a rock star comic. Just wanted to give a public howdoyadonicetameetcha to Mr. Patrick Harlan, half of Pak'n Mak'n, who was nice enough to email me and let me see what a life of GOOD choices would have looked like.

Vocab Lesson

[post deleted for being too incredibly stupid]

Sam Walters - R.I.P.

I mean it. The kid's toast. It's just a matter of time.

Here's the actual email he sent out, with my response.

From: tim@themcintireconspiracy.com
To: Walters
Date: May 12, 2006 12:44 PM
Subject: Re: Mac RAM card

>Does anyone know any chemists? I'm trying to get this
>flaming hand trick to work a little better.

I swear to God and Jesus above - I will have this put on your headstone.

Monday Menu

Been thinking about trying something new. Every Monday, I'm going to post five or so things that are on my mind. Kind of a precis for what's making me tick week to week. To wit:

1. There's nothing I care less about in this world than illegal immigration.
2. I fully expect Drag the River to put on a kickass show on Thursday night.
3. I suspect I'm the only one here who spent Friday night drinking gin and watching menacing big black guys sing The Rainbow Connection at karaoke.
4. Does anyone know of any rain gods and/or whose dick I have to suck to get them to cut us some slack here?
5. Sam Walters is most likely going to die a tragic, senseless, metal-related death in the very near future - if you have unfinished business with him or just feel like saying goodbye, I'd do it sooner rather than later. Related note: he's currently looking for someone who can "help him make better fire on his hands."

Immigration

If it's such a big deal that we keep Latinos from picking our lettuce, why don't we skip the armed patrols and just make the National Guard pick it?