Friday, May 26, 2006  

Exhibit B

A lot of my Boston friends say to me, "Tim, is Colorado Springs as bad as you say?"

You tell me.

Ig

I now have a cold on top of my hay fever. This is causing an orgy of sneezing so bad it's like I'm allergic to my own snot.

So between the Claritin and the Alka Seltzer Cold, I'm way too high to be remotely interesting and/or funny, so I'll skip the foreplay.

Buy my fucking album.

See you on the flip flop.

Baseball

I have a baseball hangover. And just a baseball hangover - my seats at Fenway last night were in the alcohol-free section. A whole new experience, a ballgame without beer. For example, did you know that games are 9 innings long? Crazy.

Radio Goo Goo

So tomorrow evening from 5:00 to 7:00, I'll be joining Daniel Bromberg and Daniella Capolino on WMFO's Gods and Goddesses show. I've been looking forward to this one for a while, mostly because I fully intend to exploit their generosity and play a shitload of Dave Gleason's Wasted Days with my allotted playlist time. Break out the chardonnay, Medford - time for a little California white wine country music.

Anyway, Bromberg promotes the hell out of the show in a way that's about 90% inspiring and 10% makes you want to choke him to death. Here's the info he thinks you should have:

LIVE on 91.5 FM within 3 miles of Somerville/Medford: http://wmfo.org/images/wmfo-coverage-map-lg.gif
LIVE on iTunes: Look under ?Radio? -> expand ?Public? -> select ?WMFO?
LIVE with WinAmp or XMMS or any MP3 player at:
http://webcast.wmfo.org/listen.pls
LIVE with Windows Media Player at:
http://wmfo.org/wmp.asx

Clear?

"There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge."
-Hunter S. Thompson

Obviously, the good Doctor never heard of Claritin.

Oh, sure, it stops my sneezing. Quickly, too. And then I enjoy about forty-five sneeze-free minutes before I rapidly descend into a coma so profound that if I had a friend named Chief, he'd toss a sink through a window for me.

(From Thompson to Kesey just like that. I rule.)

The box, of course, claims that this shit is "non-drowsy." And it's technically true. I'm not drowsy. I'm vegetative. Until the speed on the back end hits me and I start grinding my teeth like a trailer park tweaker with a wool ski cap and a Robitussin moustache.

And still, this is preferable to my goddamn allergies.

I'm not entirely sure what it is I'm allergic to. I only know it's worse in New England than elsewhere, so it could be forsythia, ragweed, or condescending white people and the Puritan work ethic. I mean, I've always got a low-grade sniffle going, thanks mostly to our fatassed, wretched cat, who is as hairy as she is cunty and a complete failure as a pet as well. But it's gotten exponentially worse in the last week or so, and I'm getting really sick of it.

There is nothing that makes you feel like a bigger wuss than allergies. If you have a cold, you're under the influence of a virus, which is kind of a dark and edgy way to rock the Kleenex. But with allergies, you're getting your ass kicked by a fucking fern, and there's nothing you can do about it, killer. Your eyes puff up like you just had a good cry and your nose leaks wet, drippy snot that's 100% sniffle-proof and you just want to die. All the misery of a cold, but you get to look like a total pussy, too. THANKS, GENETICS! BAWK BAWK.